simply amazing. i could've cried. after reading it, i felt a lot better about where i stand in relation to this war. plus mom told me yesterday she's not letting me go to london with "this war on." dammit. i think she's serious, and not only that, probably right. i may have to take a raincheck. next summer after beth graduates we could go to europe together and bum around for a month or two. i guess i just have to see.
i feel like i have a lot to explain about everything-- mostly gary. in all seriousness i have no idea. he came over tuesday night and we made gyoza for dinner. he keeps telling me we need to have a talk.... but it didn't happen tuesday night. something else, well i don't really know, i just can't tell anymore. he was acting kindof strange, and as previously mentioned he couldn't keep his hands out of my hair. which is kindof weird, but it was a different kind of touching than he's usually into. here's the problem: what is the talk about? after break i was all set to confess that i like him more than a friend and we need to decide if we're going to be friends or more-than-friends for my own sanity. since that time, however, i have been constantly debating if i even want a boyfriend or not. i mean, yes, sometimes, but then there's a couple of things that keep coming to mind. what about all those hotties at work? most specifically josh? (WAIT, how could i date a boy named josh? that's my brother-in-law's name!) and, gary is older and probably looking to get married... eventually. he's not a wife-hunter or anything, but he's 23, which in mormon standard time means he needs to get a move on. and we all know how i feel about THAT. i mean, i don't think i would marry him. i would just keep him from finding her. ha ha ha. this is what happens when you're raised LDS. you're mental. this is way too much about gary, but this is really what i've been thinking about. i don't know if things can just stay the way they are because i'm not being truthful with myself: i really do get jealous. not always, but sometimes. and i am in denial about that. i guess i'm just really confused about him and what he wants from me. he's been apologizing a lot lately... immediately after he gets a dirty look from me. he calls to say hi, he hugs me, holds me so tight. i don't know what to do. run away!
anyway, marshal and i and whoever else are probably going to the pike party tonight. my first frat party since i left knox. i'm kindof excited, i really want to go dance and have a good time. carly's sisters are in town and they're all going to stay in slc tonight. i could have a helluva time... probably will.
i'm kindof worried about spencer. i haven't really talked to him for a while and i don't know what's going on. i hope he's okay. i really do like that dumb kid, and i wish i could spend some time with him. i'm working on getting home sometime this month, hopefully before he leaves for cali.
i just took a brit lit test. i rule.
i need a nap.