jensie (goddessjensie) wrote,

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what if god shuffled by?

hmm, where to begin. i feel so completely weird at this moment. this one, like this period. . . . boy and i had a conversation monumental proportion this evening-- we are so much alike it is so so so so scary. scary because we think the same way, have the same doubts and the same questions. he's so smart and beautiful and i don't want to be in love with him-- but i am. i'm terrified of losing but i'm jumping feet first. i don't want to be immature or irrational. i want to be in control of everything-- including my emotions and that feeling i get when he holds me in his arms. i hate that every day is filled with thoughts of him and little else but when i will see him next. or dirty thoughts about what i will do to him when he finds me again. and how is this different than kevin? please not another kevin, please. i don't want to become that cliche that i hate hate hate. but all i want is to be with him. i want his hands on my body and my hands in his hair. i want to him to be happy and to quit worrying so much about everything-- including me.
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